We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
