Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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