she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
