we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
