I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
