i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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