I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
