just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
