Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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