he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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