I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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