I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
