For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize