Come see our sink grown plant.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
