Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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