I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
