dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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