Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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