see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
