yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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