I'll bet she douches with gravy.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize