I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
