So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
