Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize