We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
