I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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