i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
