No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
