hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
