I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
