Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
