Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
