so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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