In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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