Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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