Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
