i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
