I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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