he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
