we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
