Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
