My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
