do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize