Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
