If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
