If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Panties = found
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize