If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
