she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
