Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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