I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
