Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
