am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
