Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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