I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just threw up on my dentist
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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