I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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