I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
