Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
