did you get engaged???
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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