My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
