I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Houston, we have a blender
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
