You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
