how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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