I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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