YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
