Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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