24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
