I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
