I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
