I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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