he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
